I really should sleep but I feel the need to write something even though I don't really know what to wrote at the second.
No matter what I do, this week has sucked.
I've tried lots of things, but none have worked and so far, this week has just sucked. I give up on trying to make it better and I'm just going to focus on making it through the week instead.
I'm trying to remember why Monday sucked but I can't really
Oh wait, never mind I remember, I stayed home sick that day.
On Sunday I didn't eat because I was stupid, I threw up, slept like all of sunday then woke up and stayed up till 7:00am the next day. There was no way in hell I was gonna be able to make it to school. If I did, I would pass out like every 5 seconds and I'd probably get sick and go home. So I stayed home because I seriously felt like a alien baby was about to explode from my stomach. Bleh.
Then Tuesday..
What the fuck was wrong with Tuesday?
OH, I remember.
I woke up at 6:30 and my brother was walking over to try and wake me up and I told him I was already awake and then he decided to never bother to even see if I got up, so I ended up waking up right as he was leaving so all I muttered to him was "thanks for bothering to check if I was up."
I ended up missing the bus and riding to school with my neighbor Jhon.
I was super mad at first, then when I got to school I just got sad because I found out when I miss one of my chances to see Paige, I get very upset. So all day I barely talked to anyone and if I did, I had to.
Today; er well, yesterday was the only day that didn't start out terrible. I made it to the bus okay, talked to people and then I was okay.
Till the end of first block,
I left class like, 10 seconds, or 15 seconds later than I usually do so I could turn my iPod on and what not.
I know that Olivia has a class near mine, I've seen her a few times after first block so I put it together she has a class a few from mine and usually I leave class a little late so I don't accidentally bump into her and have a small awkward conversation with her because I know it'll be mega awkward for both of us and plus it would probably hurt me and I'm not sure about her, but it might. -shrug-
And today was the only day so far that I've forgotten about that and just left class with my usual, 'I wish this day would end' attitude and I totally forgot everything, till I bumped into her.
This was the first time since...
..
Fuck, I don't even know. I don't even remember the last time I spoke to her.
Anyways, I bumped into her, looked at her, then kinda turned away because I was like, '..and here rolls in the pain'
I wasn't going to say anything till she said hi and then some random (I'll refrain from using stupid) freshman thought it was a great idea to try and cross the hall when I was like half across the hall so she nearly like head butted me so the conversation was something like,
"hi"
*awkward pause/near headbutt*
(don't remember if I said hi, or went straight to,)
"I almost just got head butted.."
"why?"
"I don't know..."
*awkward silence*
then she walked away and that was it.
I know what you're probably thinking,
Dude she said like 2 things to you, calm the fuck down.
Or,
hy would you purposely avoid her? you dick.
Well,
1. My brain is very different from yours, and even a small conversation like that can make me think of the worst things I've ever done and still hate myself for.
2. I do that because,
A. It hurts me to see her so I try not to.
B. I don't know if it hurts her to see me, so I try not to see her
C. I don't like short awkward conversations with people I used to be best friends with.
It's hard because she was my best friend for like, 8 months, 7 months, one of those two, so Its hard to completely remove them from your life then throw them back in.
It's not easy.
One moment they mean everything to you, and then the next you lay in ruins wondering what the hell just happened and you wonder where your best friend went.
In a way, I've felt best friendless for a bit.
I used to always have someone who didn't mind listening to me talk about stupid things for hours but all of those friends have changed.
No names will be said.
I'm really glad I had always been a friend with Paige, even if we didn't speak much before.
I used to like her in 7th grade, even if sometimes she didn't really notice me at all, but I was fine with that.
The last week and half of 7th we had become kinda close as friends and I really wanted to ask her out, but me being a stupid, shy, and really nervous 7th grader I chickened out.
Then in 8th I never got a chance to speak with her which sucked but if any of you know me, you would know I had many other things to worry about that year.
Then in 9th me and her talked a little bit.
It took me pretty much 2 years to finally get over past crap to try and talk to her again, even if it wasn't that much and not very often.
I don't know if I've posted this anywhere, I might have, so I guess this will either be a repeat of what I said or brand new.
When Olivia left for Phillips I obviously was sad.
After a week, maybe half a week I begin to feel ignored.
Me being ignored turn to sadness which turned to intentional starvation which turned into sickness which turned into multiple nightmares each night which lead to me being terrified of sleeping.
During that time, so people turned on me and some people I desperately needed to talk to, were not there.
But Paige had always offered to help me no matter what, so I turned to her for help.
She became a good buddy of mine quickly and I had begun to calm down a little bit thanks to her help and to Katie's help. (She was the one who got me to eat again.)
Gah, so tired, I think I'll wrap up this .. What ever the fuck you want to call it when I get home tomorrow.
I'll probably edit the shit out of this when I get home.
Spelling mistakes, obvious errors, things I shouldn't have said.
No matter what I do, this week has sucked.
I've tried lots of things, but none have worked and so far, this week has just sucked. I give up on trying to make it better and I'm just going to focus on making it through the week instead.
I'm trying to remember why Monday sucked but I can't really
Oh wait, never mind I remember, I stayed home sick that day.
On Sunday I didn't eat because I was stupid, I threw up, slept like all of sunday then woke up and stayed up till 7:00am the next day. There was no way in hell I was gonna be able to make it to school. If I did, I would pass out like every 5 seconds and I'd probably get sick and go home. So I stayed home because I seriously felt like a alien baby was about to explode from my stomach. Bleh.
Then Tuesday..
What the fuck was wrong with Tuesday?
OH, I remember.
I woke up at 6:30 and my brother was walking over to try and wake me up and I told him I was already awake and then he decided to never bother to even see if I got up, so I ended up waking up right as he was leaving so all I muttered to him was "thanks for bothering to check if I was up."
I ended up missing the bus and riding to school with my neighbor Jhon.
I was super mad at first, then when I got to school I just got sad because I found out when I miss one of my chances to see Paige, I get very upset. So all day I barely talked to anyone and if I did, I had to.
Today; er well, yesterday was the only day that didn't start out terrible. I made it to the bus okay, talked to people and then I was okay.
Till the end of first block,
I left class like, 10 seconds, or 15 seconds later than I usually do so I could turn my iPod on and what not.
I know that Olivia has a class near mine, I've seen her a few times after first block so I put it together she has a class a few from mine and usually I leave class a little late so I don't accidentally bump into her and have a small awkward conversation with her because I know it'll be mega awkward for both of us and plus it would probably hurt me and I'm not sure about her, but it might. -shrug-
And today was the only day so far that I've forgotten about that and just left class with my usual, 'I wish this day would end' attitude and I totally forgot everything, till I bumped into her.
This was the first time since...
..
Fuck, I don't even know. I don't even remember the last time I spoke to her.
Anyways, I bumped into her, looked at her, then kinda turned away because I was like, '..and here rolls in the pain'
I wasn't going to say anything till she said hi and then some random (I'll refrain from using stupid) freshman thought it was a great idea to try and cross the hall when I was like half across the hall so she nearly like head butted me so the conversation was something like,
"hi"
*awkward pause/near headbutt*
(don't remember if I said hi, or went straight to,)
"I almost just got head butted.."
"why?"
"I don't know..."
*awkward silence*
then she walked away and that was it.
I know what you're probably thinking,
Dude she said like 2 things to you, calm the fuck down.
Or,
hy would you purposely avoid her? you dick.
Well,
1. My brain is very different from yours, and even a small conversation like that can make me think of the worst things I've ever done and still hate myself for.
2. I do that because,
A. It hurts me to see her so I try not to.
B. I don't know if it hurts her to see me, so I try not to see her
C. I don't like short awkward conversations with people I used to be best friends with.
It's hard because she was my best friend for like, 8 months, 7 months, one of those two, so Its hard to completely remove them from your life then throw them back in.
It's not easy.
One moment they mean everything to you, and then the next you lay in ruins wondering what the hell just happened and you wonder where your best friend went.
In a way, I've felt best friendless for a bit.
I used to always have someone who didn't mind listening to me talk about stupid things for hours but all of those friends have changed.
No names will be said.
I'm really glad I had always been a friend with Paige, even if we didn't speak much before.
I used to like her in 7th grade, even if sometimes she didn't really notice me at all, but I was fine with that.
The last week and half of 7th we had become kinda close as friends and I really wanted to ask her out, but me being a stupid, shy, and really nervous 7th grader I chickened out.
Then in 8th I never got a chance to speak with her which sucked but if any of you know me, you would know I had many other things to worry about that year.
Then in 9th me and her talked a little bit.
It took me pretty much 2 years to finally get over past crap to try and talk to her again, even if it wasn't that much and not very often.
I don't know if I've posted this anywhere, I might have, so I guess this will either be a repeat of what I said or brand new.
When Olivia left for Phillips I obviously was sad.
After a week, maybe half a week I begin to feel ignored.
Me being ignored turn to sadness which turned to intentional starvation which turned into sickness which turned into multiple nightmares each night which lead to me being terrified of sleeping.
During that time, so people turned on me and some people I desperately needed to talk to, were not there.
But Paige had always offered to help me no matter what, so I turned to her for help.
She became a good buddy of mine quickly and I had begun to calm down a little bit thanks to her help and to Katie's help. (She was the one who got me to eat again.)
Gah, so tired, I think I'll wrap up this .. What ever the fuck you want to call it when I get home tomorrow.
I'll probably edit the shit out of this when I get home.
Spelling mistakes, obvious errors, things I shouldn't have said.
