Fuck. This.

Today. Fucking. Sucks.
My mom and dad both threatened to send me back to public school if I miss one more day and I'm so stupid for believing anything would happen.
I knew nothing could happen but I still had hope but once again my hope is fucking gone.

Right now I just quit. I refuse to talk to my parents and I don't really wanna talk to anyone. I barely want to go to school. I just wanna cry. Fucking hell. Screw you all.
I'ma cry and go to sleep.

I Love You.

I love you two so fucking much you don't understand.
It hurts so much you're not mine.

I hate this so much.
Why can't you be mine?
I hate that people are making you sad and hurt.
Why won't people let you be?






I hate feeling this way. I just love you so. :'(

I Really Need To Write Music Today.

I need to finish my metal song on guitar.
I need to finish writing the lyrics to a new song
I need to avoid my dad so he won't yell at me for being late again.
I need to at least do something productive.
Talk to someone new, make something new, finish something that is old.
Finally get the albums I've been procrastinating to get on my iPod.










Knowing me, I probably won't get any of that done

For You.

"Maybe one day you'll write about me on your blog."

I really wonder who that is.
Because,
A. My formspring link hasn't been on my Facebook page for a while so who ever found it must have already known it so they must have already asked me something
And if they did already ask me something... who is it?
I know it's not from a few certain people because I've written about them multiple times .. But who is this.
Who even cares about me anyways besides Synthia?
You got your wish anon. I'm writing about you. I hope you're happy and feel accomplished.

I think ima put my formspring link back on my Facebook so I won't have to think this hard and I can just say "oh it could be anyone"
Who the fuck is it?
Maybe it is one of the people I'm thinking of.
But that wouldn't make sense since I've told them before I've written about them.
Why must you do this to me anon?
Fuck.




I want to write music but it's way too late.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.

What. The. Fuck.

Now I miss you.
And again I shouldn't, but I do.
You lied, but I don't care.
I'm weak. I'll completely look past lies, past terrible things they said they wouldn't do and forgive them and want them back.
Now I miss someone else.
Why can't I have you back?
I wanna cry.
Fuck the past. I just want you. But I'll never have you. You'll barely be a friend to me now.
Fuck you all. I hate so many people.
But I also love a lot of people.
Why can't the people I love see this and love me back?
They never will and I never will be brave enough to tell them this.










Sometimes I really don't like being me.

I Need To Say This.

It's been over a week since I've written here.
This song makes me miss you.
I shouldn't miss you.
Every time I tell people even some of the things that happened between us they basically say that I should hate you. One was even trying to get me to say awful things about you but I can't.
I can't hurt people like that.
I really don't know why I miss you. Like I've said, I shouldn't miss you.
But why do I?
Could it be I still have feelings for you? That even I'm not sure of. I'm not sure of many things anymore. I'm just trying to live my life now in days.
Seriously, why does this song make me miss you?
Sometimes I think of attempting to talk to you but I never do...







I have nothing left to say and every-time we do talk it just ends up ending abruptly and awkwardly.

Fuck I wish it was Wednesday instead. I don't really want to go to my Tuesday/Thursday classes today.
I'm just gonna end this.
I hope I start writing in this more.