Shoots and ladders.

I can never fully get out my problems that I have to any of the people i'm really close to completely trusting. I just can't do it. This is why I don't tell anyone anything.
When I finally get people in my life who I finally think won't fucking leave me, just...
Fucking hell.

I'm scared of what's going to happen. The last time this happened to him... Well, that went to complete shit, didn't it? I almost don't want to write about this.
I'm so happy that monster is going to be gone, but what's going to come of that?
I already know the answer to that, fucking anxiety. It fucking controls my life.
We'll get close and then i'll freak out and want to be alone and then we won't be friends anymore.
I can't do that, I CAN'T. You're my best friend, I can't lose you too. I have no friends that I can constantly see everyday besides you. I'm so needy. We're so alike and we get along so well and I love hanging out with you, I can't ruin that. I haven't been able to admit I need someone in my life in the longest time...
I honestly NEED you in my life.
Fuck, this post has been all over the place. Good luck to whoever reads this.
Thinking about it, I need you but I can't let you know I need you. I'm so scared to let you get close to me. We probably are too close already.