Built To Fall.

Slightly wondering as to why I have this.
Was it because I needed a way to communicate to you without actually speaking to you?
Was it because I needed a place where I knew there was the slight chance that no one would actually read it?
Either way I don't really need it, but again I do.
I write down my feelings more in here then I tell anyone else.
I never tell anyone anything. I've only had two people that I've trusted enough to tell my feelings to. One of which does not speak to me anymore and with the other we're not that great of friends despite her saying something along the lines of "let's stay best friends."
Yeah, because that totally worked.
Not saying it's her fault that we're not really friends anymore but hell, I'm trying to become best friends with her again.
I dunno.
I'm just kinda tired this week.
The weather has really been effecting me, like I knew it would.
And last week and so far this week has been horrible, along side the weather making me feel worse.
First, it was the nightmares every night except Thursday night.
Then it was the horrible Saturday suicide scare, which lead to power outage. Which then lead to monday where there again was another suicide scare except this one was worse because my friend called me on the phone balling her eyes out and I immediately started to cry because i've never heard her cry and I thought he was dead so it was just.. Yeah.
The only "decent" day so far is today where it was really awkward and the 4 of us involved were split up most of the day. Really glad today passed without incident because I have no idea what o would have done if there was another scare... I'm just absolutely drained, and well I'm fairly certain we all are.
Oh, and despite my really positive attitude and mentality I've gained, nights are slowly becoming horrible again. Just like last November.
Which makes me scared of any upcoming vacation time. Every vacation I get insanely depressed and it's just really bad.
Oh god, I'm actually really scared of that... :(